During the WM X show, I was blown away by what I saw, in both good, and bad, ways. How Bret - a small guy in pink - managed to beat a gargantuan man, called Yokozuna, I never understood. It blew my little mind. I couldn't fathom it. On the other end of the spectrum, the ladder match between HBK and Razor Ramon made me a fan for life - I'd never seen anything like it in my life. I had to watch more. I became an instant fan of both, especially HBK, a fandom that still lasts to this day.
Seeing as this match is nothing but hazy memories to me, let's see how well it holds up.
Now... ONTO THE RUMBLE MATCH THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS!
- This isn't going to be a move-for-move review of the match: you don't need to be told person A goes over to person B and throws punches, before moving over to person C and doing the same, while person B goes over to person D and tries to chuck him out of the ring while person G sneaks up from behind.
- The Rumble has a hot start, with Samu and Scott Steiner trading fists. It's a great sight, and a worthy start to the Rumble. Both of these guys are awesome and their tag matches are unforgettable.
- Kwang is a complete Vince McMahon paradigm. And that's not a good thing. Was a egregiously bad decision to put Savio Vega under a mask and have him spitting mist.
- Great Million Dollar Man commentary line when seeing Diesel come out: "He's almost as tall as me... when I stand on my wallet... BAHAHAHAHAHA!"
- The lack of entrance music is baffling to me. I'm used to knowing who's coming out based on the entrance music and complete silence of the crowd when it's someone like Viktor.
- You can just tell the push is going to Diesel this year: He's been in for less than two minutes, and already cleaned the ring of geeks and Owen Hart. Owen Hart, the guy in for a big push in 94, getting tossed aside like a hundred dollar note by the Million Dollar Man. Quite surprising.
- Pretty sure I just saw Diesel shooting on Virgil. I howled. This is fantastic. Give this man a big gold belt.
- Jarrett comes in and destroys the Macho Man. I can't believe what I'm seeing. Macho is no fight for Jarrett... but eliminates him anyway. A good showing for Jarrett, Macho sold well for him. Did these two have many actual singles matches? I hope they did, they seem like they'd have great chemistry as opponents.
- Crush didn't even make the ring and Savage used a Hogan special on him; he raked the fuck out of Crush's eyes. In case you forgot, Crush and Savage had a feud in 94 that culminated in Crush getting hanged by his feet by cables at WM.
- Savage was eliminated, with zero fanfare and little acknowledgement, because Vince is orgasmic over Crush and Diesel - two large lads - fighting over who's bigger. No wonder Savage felt misused and went over to WCW in 95.
- I love Doink. Heel Doink, in particular, is golden. The evil music mixed with the evil smirk on his face is some of the best content WWE produced in the mid-nineties. seek out his match with Marty Jannetty on Raw if you want to see the best Doink.
- Bam Bam press slams Doink to the floor, and the clown is down.
- Everyone in the ring now is big. Hence why Diesel hasn't been aloud to go crazy on them: Vince loves his big lads. Crush, Mabel, Diesel and Bam Bam. I'll give Diesel credit; he looks like he could be a very big star in this time period. Some guys just have "the look", and Diesel had it.
- Shawn is out, and he has a HIDEOUS mullet. Absolutely hideous. Thankfully, he started growing it out soon after this. Saved his career.
- It takes all the fatties to eliminate Diesel. WWE trying to make a star out of Diesel is really obvious in hindsight, and it should come as no surprise that he has the strap by the end of 94. The fans even chant his name when he's eliminated and walking to the back, a rarity for a heel.
- This match has kinda become a big mess since Diesel was eliminated... I blame it on Moe being awful. Guy is the pits as a wrestler, and a manager, and a singer, and a dancer...
- Greg Valentine? in 94? completely anachronistic. He kinda got a pop though... so what do I know!
- Fuck yeah, Tatanka! the guy who - believe it or not - had a 2-year undefeated streak. That's worse than Crimson or Wraith having an undefeated streak. There's zero upside to Tatanka... other than he throws a mean chop... but that's literally all he does. I called Greg Valentine in 94 anachronistic, but Tatanka returning in 2006 for the SD is even more so.
- I know little to zero about the Great Kabuki, I won't lie. I won't say much about him, but he was trash in this match. He did look a million years old, probably was.
- Speaking of guys with the look, Lex Luger is next. Looking at both Diesel and Luger in 94... I would've went with Diesel as your guy, honestly. Lex just didn't have "it" to be the guy to lead a company. And they had him choke at every occasion. It seemed like they wanted Luger to be the guy, but knew he couldn't be, so they put a lot behind him, saw it wasn't working, and pulled the plug at the last minute... every time. The Luger story is fascinating. Aside from being All-American, he really was the antithesis of Hulk Hogan: he didn't cheat, rake backs or eyes; always lost in the big matches when it counted; had a full head of hair - but the fans never got behind him like they did the Hulk - they were ready for a new type of hero, someone like Bret Hart, and, eventually, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
- If Luger had come to WWF in the 80s, and done the same gimmick before Hogan, I feel he could've been a success.
- As you can tell, not much has happened in the Rumble. The ring is pretty full and guys are doing nothing but trying to throw punches and guys out of the ring. It's not really thrilling. Since Bret arrived, guys have thrown shots at his knee, so there's some psychology and something a little different. Bret is great at selling the effects of Owen kicking the leg out from his leg.
- Crush is the first elimination in forever... forgot he was there, to be honest with you. Crush is a forgettable fuck, no matter the gimmick he's in.
- It takes Marty Jannetty to bring some intensity to this match, as he enters the ring and immediately goes straight for HBK, and they engage in a Zayn-Owens hockey fight - It's fantastic. It's such a shame Marty let his demons ruin his career.
- Imagine a character like Adam Bomb in today's landscape?
- I never noticed how much Marty Jannetty's attire looked like the Macho Man's. A spitting image. They should've been a tag team... I would've loved to see Macho and Marty as a team, taking on guys like the Steiner Brothers and the Headskrinkers. Those matches would've been some of the best of the era, in my opinion. Sure, both teams would be left in a dilapidated state afterwards, but if it's entertaining, I can't complain.
- Mabel getting gang eliminated by everyone is hilarious, as he takes a massive flop when he lands and I'm sure it didn't feel good for the big man.
- Seeing as I don't know when the next time I'll get to talk about Mabel will be, I'm going to do it here. I was always pretty impressed with what Mabel could do: the spinkick, in particular, amazed and wowed me on more than one occasion. Loved that move. But overall, he was quite agile for a big man. Amazing to think that when he got his big push in 95, the guy was only like 23-years old - that's insane to me. He was so young, and given the chance of a lifetime... it's just a shame he wasn't meant for the main event role.
- I liked Mabel as a midcard talent, but the main event scene was just not his place. He wasn't ready, and he didn't fit. Working a guy like Diesel, who couldn't hide Mabel's flaws, also didn't help. I'm not saying Mabel would've worked as a main eventer if he worked with Bret or Shawn or Razor or anyone else that could've carried him, but Diesel wasn't the right style of worker to put him against in his first big match, and it showed: the match sucked and his push stalled right there.
- Back to the Rumble!
- Moe actually tries attacking Luger. This works about as well as you'd expect. Luger wipes the floor with him
- Jannetty and Michaels GO TO TOWN ON EACH OTHER AND I LOVE IT (MAGGLE).
The finish, as I'm sure both know by now, is Luger and Hart both going overt at the same time and eliminating the other. Cena and Batista would do the same finish over a decade later, albeit by mistake. This one was intentional, and it's very well executed. I've never seen Luger perform a move as crisp as when he has to chuck himself over the ropes and have his feet touch the floor the same time as another man. If only every move he made was as crisp as his execution of this finish...
- Medium Poppa Pump, Scott Steiner
- Samu
- Rick Steiner
- Kwang
- Owen Hart
- Bart Gunn
- Diesel
- Bob Backlund
- Billy Gunn
- Virgil
- Macho Man
- Double J
- Crush
- Doink (and Dink)
- Bam Bam Bigelow.
- Mabel
- Bob Holly
- HBShizzle
- Moe
- Greg Valentine
- Tatanka
- The Great Kabuki
- Lex Luger
- Tenru
- No one
- Martel
- Bret Hart
- Fatu
- Marty Jannetty
- Adam Bomb
Overall thoughts: I... don't know how to rate this. There were a lot of good moments, like Diesel running wild and the brief Jannetty/Michaels confrontation, but there was also a lot of nothing going on while the ring was crowded, which was often. A shame, because they had the stars to make the match exciting, but they never really looked like they reached their second gear. Only Diesel looked extra focused and trying to put in a show-stealing performance. No one else stood out at all. The ending was inventive and very risky - giving us a finish like that led to more intrigue than confusion and I enjoyed it. opened up some interesting possibilities for WM and that's never a bad thing.
Rating: ***
